4 dec. 2020, 1 am

more often than i intend to, i go through old photos, read old letters, feel the pages of old notes and experiences i’d once had—

all simply moments of a past that no longer exists but still endlessly repeats itself in the depths of my mind.

i’m blinded by the remembrance of how i felt when i was there, picturing myself as the person i no longer recognize.

the past feels like a foundation of collected emotions, both the good and the bad. a foundation that reminds me of what has brought me to today.

but at times the past also feels like lost or forgotten parts of myself and the person i wish i still was.

we like to think experience builds us up, and in many ways they do. but the experiences we once lived that made us feel invincible, loved, and so full of hope has also disappeared, only pushing us to look at an image of a future that has yet to come.

we live our present with a strong basis of our feelings from the past and uncertainties of the future.

we live our present with the past that has molded the mindset we contain in the current and the drive to achieve a dream built out of imagination.

when i’m not reminiscing the past, i fill my time living a present in a trance-like state, a state with a vision of the life i aspire to live instead of taking a moment to notice what i do have in front of me.

-k.t.

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