i let life in its physicality consume my being that i almost forgot what it was like to be here, present, and aware in an altered state of consciousness.

i almost forgot what it was like to notice the numbness and tingling in my hands, the nausea in my stomach, the drastic change in temperature inside of me, the absolute exhaustion, all-consuming but fully conscious of the fact that this is simply a biological reaction out of my control.

and right now, in this moment, it feels like i’m floating. completely aware and fully attentive of my surroundings, i’m comfortably awake in my own internal space.

i notice the details of my exterior: a gust of wind against my skin, the warmth of sunlight hitting my blank face, drops of sweat dripping down my body, music playing in the distant background of my day.

it’s 3:18pm. my shift at work starts in 12 minutes.

i see someone in mustard-yellow shorts waiting in line to order a cup of coffee, slightly impatient, attempting to distract himself by scrolling through his phone. the barista rushes through the counter, having to prepare 4 more alone while taking the orders of customers including that of the guy in mustard-yellow shorts. a girl in a plain white t-shirt is sitting diagonally across from me, fingers resting on the keyboard of her laptop, glaring aimlessly at me as i intensely delve into my place—a place unknown to her.

i have to leave for work now.

but i’m still here, present, and aware in an altered state of consciousness.

-k.t.